The Anger in me!!!

Lately I realized my patience has worn out. A thick blanket of blubber which once used to protect me from my own anger has become a thin and transparent layer. I used to be ice cold to criticism, humiliation or sarcasm. Never let my opponent know what I felt inside. A master in masquerading the feelings behind my calm facade. Life changes many aspects in uncontrolled environment, giving rise to unexpected results. This chain reactions caused a heavy change in me. My fundamentals were shaken and stirred many times by the very people I trusted resulting in blatant aggressive behavior. I was put on defensive position every time by the so called experienced. Mishandled by my own. Its said that man is most vulnerable when he is angry. Never thought I would say that its true to its very last letter. I expose my weakness and shortcomings when I am angry. Loose control over my thought process, and I get engulfed by my alter ego .

I have climbed many milestones so far, but none worthy in eyes of my soul. I started out as a lost soul, but with lot of peace of mind. Now I have found a new destiny but my soul is not at rest. This unrest has given birth to my alter ego called Zia. Zia who used to care for every one, is no longer the same. Has turned into a selfish, unscrupulous ,mean and self centered monster. The more I struggle to come out of this wet sand the deeper I get into. Looks like it’s the end of Zia and rise of Aiz. For world does not want a weak emotional caring fool. It wants a heartless, mean dictator who would shoot down any one in his path. Question is which path……………? The path that’s right in the eyes of higher power or society?


Aiz although started as an infant in an incubator, started growing stronger at every bickering Zia faced. At every step Zia was subdued through constant criticism and pain and forced to learn their rules Aiz got stronger. Zia a strong personality that he was started to confide in Aiz till he could resist no more. Every time Zia got angry; Aiz took control of the entire system. Has nothing but revenge in sight. Does not care about the consequences that he would under go over longer run due to the negligent acts of Aiz. He is the dark side of Zia, a dark knight to rescue as a defense mechanism of subconscious mind who wouldn’t consider about any feelings or respect. So much so that he casts a fog around Zia so that he fails to see the dire consequences that are so clearly visible otherwise. Has become a heartless sadist who takes pleasure in hurting the one who care for him too. Presses down the one who listens to him and plots against those who don’t. So much so that he has vow on to his own that never will he let himself vulnerable in front of others.


Time and again history has proven you are valued only after your death. Its time for Zia to die and Aiz to rise in power. Because desperate times call for desperate actions. This inevitable painful death should bring in peace not only to me but to lot others. May be its my destiny to die as Zia and rise as Aiz for a greater good. Ironic but ‘good’ would prevail with the rise of the ‘evil’.. Aiz is a necessary Evil who has to end Zia to bring good to near and dear ones. If that’s the cost to be paid so be it. I have begun to dig the grave. Just need a helping hand to burry one of me. Who its gonna be time will tell. But I see very little hope for Zia to pull this off.

Though the actions are not understood today but will be valued in future. Bonvoyage.